Thursday, August 25, 2011

This Hateful Imperfection of Mine Eyes

And now I have the boy, I will undo
This hateful imperfection of her eyes:

And think no more of this night's accidents
But as the fierce vexation of a dream.

Be as thou wast wont to be;
See as thou wast wont to see:
~A Midsummer Night Dream, Shakespeare

I love this play, how it illustrates how vulnerable even fairies are to "cupid's flower". Or perhaps, especially fairies. Because they think they are so smart.

I relate especially well to this play because for years now, I have had a horrible imperfection in my eyes. It is called Pink Eye.

The first time I got it, I was in Provo, Utah, going to school in the summertime. Cause I'm a geek. Since all the normal people had gone home, there was no one around, and I had to drive myself to the emergency room. I couldn't really see, because yucky stuff was pouring out of my eyes, and then I had to sit there for about 3 hours, and pretend like I could see when people said something to me. Then the doctor said, "Oh you have a beautiful name. I especially love Tiffany lamps." Hmmmm. 

Since then, I have gotten it, oh, a million times.

My brother, who is a PA, has been extremely reliable in calling in numerous prescriptions- sometimes in various parts of the country, when I'm on vacation. It's like the pink eye germs are attracted to me. Like if they are in a 10 mile radius, they spot me and come after me. Like Titania goes after Nick Bottom when her eyes are anointed with the love juice. Which is to say, really fast and really furious.
One day, I had had it. Up to here. I was using the drops, but they weren't working. I was washing my eyes out with Boric Acid. That provided temporary relief. I washed my eyes out with Baby Shampoo, which has antibacterial qualities, but doesn't sting. Okay, it stings a little. But it was like this virus had built up an immunity to all these things. Like Westley builds up and immunity to Iocaine powder in the Princess Bride.

I can't tell you how many mascaras I have had to replace. I guess I could go without mascara. But I'm really vain, okay? Titania's curse equals my curse.

Then I had a LIGHT BULB moment. It was time to get ruthless. I needed some power in my corner. Some medicine akin to "Dian's bud". Something simple, but daring too- like Cinderella's dress.
Bibity Bob 

And not wimpy Baby Shampoo, either. The real stuff.
Not maybe the funnest experiment ever, but you don't understand.  This whole thing has been CRAZY!!!!! I would have tried jumping off a 40 foot ladder into a baby swimming pool if I thought it would help.

Luckily, I didn't really feel like that would help.

So... I grabbed a favorite bar of soap.
I adore this soap. It is full of shea butter, so it never dries out your skin. Even if you like to take marathon baths. (It's my form of meditation, okay?) I have a basket full of these in my bathroom.
I had never put it directly into my eyes. But I had to try.
It hurt. A lot. And I did it THREE TIMES.
 But guess what?
I think it's gone. (crossing fingers)
Uh huh, oh yah! Let's hear it for home remedies! And for Oberon, who eventually took pity on his poor queen, and anointed her eyes with the healing balm.

As a side note, the score to Midsummer Night's Dream is really beautiful. Mendelssohn did a fantastic job bringing the story to life through music.

Balanchine choreographed a ballet to Mendelssohn's score. He was married like six times, so I think he felt a personal connection to this story...

And there is the Hollywood version. Which is mostly how I became familiar with the story. I adore Calista Flockhart's version of Helena. She loves Demetrius, but Demetrius loves Hermia. She laments:
No, no, I am as ugly as a bear;
For beasts that meet me run away for fear: 

But Cupid has some surprises in store for her, and the result is a messy, muddy, hilarious scene. 

Let us part with Oberon's words, which you can imagine him whispering in your ear as you awake from your flowery bed: 

Dian's bud o're Cupid's flower
Hath such force and blessed power
Now, my Titania; wake you, my sweet queen.

No comments: